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Posts Tagged ‘emotional abuse’
Are You Living Your Life With The Burden Of Emotional Abuse?
Living in an emotionally abusive relationships can make you doubt your own survival skills. If your spouse constantly criticizes you negatively, is often upset and says cruel things to you and about you, and if it seems that he believes he is entitled to flare at you as he pleases, your marriage is abusive..
Without realizing it, you deny and give up your ability to bring peace and happiness to your life. Bending over backwards to do his bidding and accepting as true the hurtful labels he uses toward you has a big impact on who you are and the way you perceive yourself and your goals. It is not easy to pick between having him emotionally diminishing you and surviving. You think there are no options, and worse, you cannot leave!!
However, when you are abused, you can select how to respond: either by letting it wear you down and make you sad and a victim, or by keeping your strength alive and using your inner resources. There are some who can realize what is happening and react to the abuse on their own...! I find comfort in knowing that any woman can overcome this caustic behavior through the power of her own words. Some women thrive sooner when they have a supporting person, like a coach, during the process to regain themselves.
You’re now probably asking: “What Can I Do For Myself?" If an answer does not arise naturally, whether due to a sense of bitterness or distress, you need to realize that it is time to ask for help!
Actually, by understanding and reacting to all sorts of abuse, I found my strength some time ago...! I find comfort in knowing that I can overcome this type of caustic behavior through the power of my own words. Perhaps a complimentary Coaching Session would help you with emotional abuse issues? Let me be there for you while you restrengthen yourself.
How Does A Passive Aggressive Husband Need His Victim Wife?
passive aggressive behavior
How Does Your Passive Aggressive Husband Need You?
A most frustrating aspect in living with a passive aggressive man is that he doesn't follow through on his agreements and promises. Why is he promising to tackle big projects if he will abandon them later and prevent others from finishing them?. The wife is focused on how he is able to ignore the tasks he is responsible for.
Does He Ever See Her Frustration?
Not more time. In the face of her evidence, he will again deny it by changing the facts, as to support his logic. He is doing all this theatre for what purpose?? Is difficult to know why he is doing this systematic frustration in his spouse?
Relationships are the way we touch others in order to get satisfaction to our needs for love and connection. How come he thinks he can get satisfaction to his search for love and connection by being hostile?.
As he developed a toxic image of what a relationship is, he is now trying to duplicate the kind of relationship he learned being a child, this time with another grown up, with himself playing the controlling role. He needs to pick up a woman who will agree to be on the receiving end of his disowned anger, so he can play out the dynamics of his childhood...
He then needs to frustrate her a little bit every day, building up in her a pattern of frustration so high that she gets to express the anger that he has been repressing all his life.
She Needs To Feel Needed!
She grew up in a home where she was relegated and not appreciated…always in a little corner. When she wanted to be seen, someone stole the focus off her. Her dream is to make his resistance to connection disappear when he receives all the love she can give.
He does two contradictory things: attract her and repeal her at the same time.... When she receives little bones of appreciation, she tends to confirm again that he is a prisoner of his shield but able and willing to come out and play with her She will not be easily disappointed by his coldness, and will continue sending him her love and attention
Even when he sets up experiences to get her to reject or deprive him, (so then he can blame her for his dissatisfaction), she prefers to play along. To stop her fear of being alone, she needs to accept and love herself. So, is better to keep waiting on him. He is blind to making an emotional connection with her.
Accepting this fact can take her from feeling lonely and depressed in this marriage, to angry at him. He feels threatened by the conversation, and withdraws, causing her anger. When she gets angry, then he withdraws more and the unresolved conflict boomerangs. They link by connecting and withdrawing at the same time.
Why Is This Seesaw Between Anger And Depression Functional To Her?
Why would she be any longer with someone who frustrates her??
How prone is she to repeat the strategies of her childhood, and invite others to reject her?
Is permanent frustration of her emotional needs her childhood script, needing someone like her husband to frustrate her here and now?
In repetitive scenes from this script, you can see her self-esteem reduced to zero as her frustration and anger turn to rage when she feels again unable to attract a direct commitment from a loving man. There is not an inevitable linkage between the way she grew up and the way now she is treated. Having a stronger self-esteem would make her more respected and appreciated by him.
Nora Femenia, Ph.D. is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. She has written postings about happy, healthy marriages and how to enhance marital happiness. Her innovative and compassionate conflict solutions are offered as ebooks, articles and life-changing coaching sessions, from her blog: http://www.creativeconflicts.com